Why I Don't Date People Who Watch Porn
In romantic relationships, boundaries and expectations vary from couple to couple. This means that the word ‘cheating’ is ambiguous and subjective. With that being said, in my relationships, watching porn is considered cheating.
First of all, porn consumption and the subsequent masturbation is inherently acting on the sexual gratification gained from another person. The person in that video may not know that you are getting off to them, but you are still using another person to gratify yourself. A monogamist’s idea of romance is to dedicate oneself to a singular person. This dedication extends beyond physical acts- other people are off limits, whether they lay beside you in bed or behind a screen.
Second, why should my partner need to seek pleasure from another person if, at least in my case, I am able and willing to supply that pleasure myself? It’s not that there’s anything wrong with masturbation in and of itself- masturbation is healthy and natural- it’s the act of masturbating to someone who isn’t your partner, especially a partner who is willing to give you what you need, that is wrong.
Finally, we must explore the effect porn has on someone’s mind. Undoubtedly, someone who watches porn will have a different perspective on relationships and sex than someone who doesn’t. There have been multiple studies on partner’s satisfaction levels in relationships with and without porn and it has shown that people who watch porn are more likely to objectify their partner, more likely to be critical of their partner’s physical appearance and sexuality, and more likely to make their partner feel unwanted.
It is the feeling of ‘unwantedness’ that really struck a chord with me. Before I grew a backbone and finally set the boundary that I am not okay with my partner watching porn, I was constantly pressured to be O.K. with it. I would pretend like it did not affect me, but I would ultimately feel betrayed and unwanted by my partner.
In conclusion, porn is disrespectful. It objectifies people, mainly women, and creates an unrealistic and harmful standard for beauty and sexual relationships. This is harmful to both the person watching it and his or her partner. I implore whoever is reading this to rid porn from your life.
*For each moot, we generate a cover image using DALL·E, an AI art platform that generates images using natural language processing. This image on the right was generated using the title, 'Why I Don't Date People Who Watch Porn' in the style of Junji Ito, the Caroline's artist of choice.*