Why Games Suck

Catherine Weingarten

I’ve noticed this trend that some people are identifying as “game people.” They love playing Scrabble, Parcheesi, Poker, and Settlers of Catan and seem to have those games ready on any occasion(first date going wrong- try poker!!)

When you’re having a classy dinner party and you have some cute new black dress and are trying to get your new man’s friend to give you gossip, and then suddenly another friend says, “Settler Time!!” that’s usually when I want to run for the hills…

Here’s the thing- I suck at these games. The game head starts reading the directions, which usually lasts 20 minutes, and I’ve already spaced out. I forget all the rules and am just trying to see how drunk I can get.

But I can’t out myself as a non “game” person because I don’t wanna seem non-jovial and like I hate fun. So I try to play the game and move the red piece five steps forward and skip someone’s turn and then turn the castle purple and jump on one leg-but it’s hard to remember all the rules, ok!

I feel like it’s become non-socially acceptable to say, “I hate games,” because it sounds like saying, “Christmas sucks” or “Birthdays are capitalist.” Part of my vibe is sounding friendly, and I wanna like be invited places… My new idea is if someone says they wanna play a game, is to say I have a long-distance Canadian phone call and leave for 2 hours or maybe just fake my own death. I hope to one day live in a world where it’s socially acceptable to say, “Games suck, let’s just like talk about how my cousin’s fiancee is weird for the next 4 hours and why.”

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