They say "less is more," and while Gen Z maximalism with its bold colors and parachute pants challenges the dusty rose pink of minimalist Millennial culture, some things still really are best one at a time.

 

My hot take is that a septum ring is great, a nose ring is great, but those two hoops together are not necessary. In the worst case, it looks like a pair of metallic snot bubbles.

 

Do I have my nose pierced? No. Do I have my septum pierced? Also no. But am I AM bisexual, and as we all know by now facial piercings, especially septum rings, are dog whistles for queerness and bisexual culture. What's more, am I a self-proclaimed expert on aesthetics and a judgy person with a keyboard and internet access? Absolutely. I entrust to myself the ability to weigh in on things that are exactly none of my business.

 

I've started to see truly decked out schnozzes -- a chunky septum piercing, a stud on either side, a delicate chain connecting them. Or, three hoops in the nose, making the nostrils into a three-ring circus where aerial performers could start hanging from the piercings.

 

I just think the nose is prime real estate, and cluttering it doesn't enhance appearances. What the nose is to the face, the nose ring is to the nose. We only have one nose because two would be distracting! It's the same principle with nose jewelry! The nose is like the face's rug: it ties it altogether. Each ring conveys its own attitude. Indeed, wearing multiple rings at once is also its own attitude, albeit that attitude is, "I wear all my noserings at once or else I'm afraid I'll lose them."

 

Outsource those piercings to the lobes, mouth, or eyebrow! Pierce a shower curtain over your eye! Install a miniature climbing wall on your ear! But give your nose one single dignified piece of jewelry that tells everyone you're queer and went to a liberal arts college.

 

Unless you wear a little stud with a septum piercing. Then, you should call me.

 

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