No. You don’t get my organs. You don’t get to charge me tons of taxes and fees and then

casually bring up unpacking my insides.

 

Not only is this the wrong time and place to hammer out the details of hollowing out my corpse,

but you have all these signs everywhere pushing it.

 

That’s just creepy.

 

I hope you realize this is not a healthy thing to do, requesting kidneys from a stranger who just

wants to renew their ID and go home.

 

Now, I know what you’re thinking: the children! the elderly! all those dying and suffering! Or

maybe you know someone who needs a new heart, perhaps you yourself need a new lung.

 

To which I say, that sucks.

 

No, really. I really am sorry that our national obsession with nagging weary citizens into signing

away their bodies has turned me all the way off. Part of me wants to help, but part of me is

overwhelmed with disgust that you just assumed I’d say yes.

 

You know who should have approached me about this? My doctor. Whoever is helping me make

my will. Someone outside at a booth with some flyers, but they’re not being pushy and they let

me walk up to them.

 

Not you. Not like this.

 

What freak even came up with this—whoever walked into the DMV and thought, geez, wouldn’t

it be great if I died and my organs pulsed in the body of another?

 

You know who has lots of organs? Jeff Bezos. Elon Musk. Mark Zuckerberg. They’re

billionaires. I eat reheated noodles. Seems like you should be asking them first.

 

I guess it could almost make sense: if you’re in an accident and die, you’re most likely to have

your ID on you, so why not slap on some postmortem instructions?

 

I’ll tell you why.

 

Tact.

 

I just died and you’re going to rummage through my belongings to check if you can swipe my

Innards?

 

Dude, chill.

 

Have some respect. You want my organs? Work for it. Talk to my next of kin, refer to my will.

I’ll have suffered enough—first from having been to the DMV, then from having crashed and

died. You certainly made all us wait. So you can, too.

 

Maybe think up a better sales pitch. When we vote we at least get that stupid sticker. Kids get

lollipops after flu shots. You’re asking for my body and offering me no incentive whatsoever.

 

Here, you really want to tempt me? How about if you sign up for organ donation, you never have

to go to the DMV again. Like adults, we’ll converse over Zoom and email. For that, I will gladly

allow you to plunder my cadaver.

 

Just don’t make me go to the DMV again.

 

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