Skidmarks Are Not Normal
Recently surrounded by many straight men in a discussion about everyday life tasks such as cooking, laundry, etc. my ears perked up at one statement. The man to my left nonchalantly added to the discussion, “So you know when you get skidmarks on your underwear…” and I was taken aback by the resounding amount of agreement amongst the group. I took off my listening ears immediately due to sheer shock by the normalcy of this scenario. Do men not know how to wipe? How long has this been going on? You’ve noticed it before and just accepted it? No part of you thought ‘hmm that probably shouldn’t happen’? Do you know how to wash yourself in the shower at least?
Just to stir the pot a little bit…did you know that women have never really had that? Maybe (and that’s a strong maybe) we have had that happen on a very rare occasion. However, it is not a common occurrence. When it has happened, it’s a oh-no-time-to-shower-right-now type of moment. Please don’t settle for less. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to clean yourself and knowing how to do it right.
A friend of mine once saw his twin brother stand straight up after “taking the browns to the superbowl” and wipe the surface once then flush. There’s no technique there. There’s no care. There’s no sense of urgency to not have fecal matter walking around with you. Fellas, you gotta dig in. It’s a bit like reverse painting. Keep going until you have a blank canvas of toilet paper staring back at you. Then – and this is important – safety wipe! One more for safety.
*For each moot, we generate a cover image using DALL·E, an AI art platform that generates images using natural language processing. This image on the right was generated using the title, 'Skidmarks Are Not Normal' in the style of Jean-Michel Basquiat, Francesca's artist of choice.*