Oatmeal Raisin Cookies Are the Superior Cookies and You Only Hate Them Because You Fear Deception and Inconsistency
Oatmeal raisin cookies are widely hated. Oatmeal raisin cookies are to food what Maroon 5 is to music; no one really likes them, no one is consuming them on purpose, it’s always annoying when you come across them but they sort of just keep showing up. Somehow they maintain popularity despite having no redeeming qualities and seemingly very few dedicated fans. All that said, I am going to make the case for oatmeal raisin cookies, and in doing so I will turn the tables, change the narrative, and reverse the story, and you might just learn something about yourself.
There is nothing truly wrong with oatmeal raisin cookies, and we emphasize that every day when we consume raisins and oatmeal individually. Why we as humans enjoy ingesting grapes with the life sucked out of them that are wrinkled like our grandparents rotting on their deathbed and bowls of gray flavorless mush is beyond me, but it gives us no right to criticize oatmeal raisin cookies. At least cookies are considerate enough to add gallons of sugar to make themselves edible. If you want to be angry at a so-called dessert that fools you into thinking it’s something it’s not, go after dark chocolate. Dark chocolate has been endorsed by many doctors who say it promotes heart health, and it still has the audacity to call itself a sweet treat? Where is the outrage over this?
Your hatred of oatmeal raisin cookies comes from a much deeper fear present in all of us. Had they been a common delicacy of his time, I’m certain Freud would have provided an in-depth oatmeal raisin cookie analysis of his own. Humans learn through a combination of operant conditioning and evolutionary instincts to fear what is different. These instincts are designed to keep us safe from things that are unexpected and potentially dangerous. Therefore, when you bite into a cookie and find oat flakes and raisins rather than the chocolate chips you are accustomed to, an alarm is triggered in your mind and immediately you begin to subconsciously associate oatmeal raisin cookies with fear, shock, and a number of other unpleasant emotions.
Along with this, the feelings of betrayal and disappointment are overwhelming when you are absolutely certain that the cookie you are holding is chocolate chip, but it turns out to be oatmeal raisin. Nobody likes to be deceived, and it can be especially hurtful if perhaps you have a history of disloyal relationships. Maybe you dated a bad boy who rode motorcycles and listened to the Devil’s music, Rock n’ Roll, and you were certain that you two would last forever, but then he cheated on you with a girl who knew how to ride a skateboard. Or maybe you hated your father, and one day he said he was going out to buy a pack of cigarettes and you had hope that this was finally the moment when he would walk out on the family forever like in movies and TV, but then to your great dismay he came back and it turned out he actually was just buying cigarettes and wasn’t going anywhere.
Whatever your traumatic history may be, don’t allow it to spark within you an unwarranted hatred of oatmeal raisin cookies. They are the best cookie, and they might just outlive us all.
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*For each moot, we generate a cover image using DALL·E, an AI art platform that generates images using natural language processing. This image on the right was generated using the title, 'Oatmeal Raisin Cookies Are the Superior Cookies and You Only Hate Them Because You Fear Deception and Inconsistency' in the style of Andy Warhol, Eileen's favorite artist.*