No One Cares That You’re a Leap Frog Baby
If I could magically remove February 29 from the calendar I would, but then there’d be 5 million people in the world with no personalities.
Look, I’m not saying you can’t mention it because being a leap-year baby is pretty cool. But there should be no reason for you to start a sentence with, “Because I don’t have a birthday this year”! I don’t see what you have to complain about anyways. February 29th is not even the worst day of the year to be born. What about Christmas? Those people share a birthday with Jesus! Can you imagine having to share your special day with Jesus? No one cares that it’s your birthday because it’s fucking Christmas! They only get gifts once a year! A pair of socks is shit, but I’d rather get two a year than one.
And don’t get me started on summer birthdays! At least people actually know when your birthday is (probably because you told them 10,000 times)! Us summer babies are a forgotten and underappreciated species at school. Every Friday someone’s mother came into class with their Jake and the Neverland Pirates cupcakes, their rockstar napkins, and spiderman tablecloths (they never matched for some reason), and the entire class had to pretend to care about that person for a half-hour. Summer babies never got that special treatment, when we want to have a party, everyone decides to go to Disneyland and Cancun for two weeks.
You know what else irks me about leapers? Y’all get so irritated when someone else mentions you’re a leap year, but then you continue to do it EVERY SECOND OF EVERY OF HOUR OF EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR!
If we’re being serious though, you and the other leapers should be so lucky. Not only do you get to pick what day you want to celebrate your birthday (February 28th or March 1st), but when you’re 72 years old and have already lived your life; married, divorced, remarried, three adult kids that no longer speak to you and threw you in a nursing home, you can still tell all your prehistoric grey-haired friends, I’m only 18, and not be lying.
I end this rant with a word of advice for all the frogs born on February 29th. If engaging in a conversation you suddenly have this overwhelming urge to say, “You know, I’m a leap year baby”, ask yourself how does this contribute to the discussion? What does it bring to the table? If the answer is nothing, which I’m almost positive 99% of the time it is, just shhh! Pretend you’re in a library and just shut up. Because I promise you, no one cares.
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*For each moot, we generate a cover image using DALL·E, an AI art platform that generates images using natural language processing. This image on the right was generated using the title, 'No One Cares That You’re a Leap Frog Baby' in the style of LaShun Beal, Leah McLean's artist of choice.*