The world is divided. Well, America is divided and I assume the rest of the world is just like America, so I reaffirm: the world is divided. This division extends far beyond our political and economic systems. It seems like everything is cause for visceral debate and bickering and even joyous subjects that you’d think were immune from rancor are now center stage. Among them, the holiday season.

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Certain holidays, like Thanksgiving, Christmas and the Fourth of July, have come under scrutiny as we have begun to grapple with the callous context in which these holidays were founded. As we know, 50 percent of the United States is not particularly fond of reflecting upon past transgressions, and so now we've got half the country referring to it as ‘Columbus Day’ and the other half referring to it as ‘Indigenous Peoples’ Day’. 

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As with most things in America, we must first consider how this makes our biggest corporations and conglomerates feel. The answer, I’d assume, is anxious. These days, one misstep means cancellation means public obliteration, and I imagine that setting the holiday calendar is more treacherous for a public company than setting lofty revenue projections. At least you can blame an EPS miss on macroeconomic factors.

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Anyways, I think I may have a solution. Corporations should just treat holidays like vacation days. Allot everyone, say, 11 days a year that they are able to take off at their own discretion. That way, everyone is able to just block off their calendars and celebrate the holidays that are important to them. No more need to ask your boss if you can take off Yom Kippur or Chinese New Year or whatever you celebrate as a vacation day. No more need to harbor resentment towards your employer for recognizing a day that stings your ethnic, religious, or moral community. 

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It would all be up to the individual employee. And isn’t that what the holidays are all about? Celebrating the days that are important to you and your community? 

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Plus, you’d no longer have to spend all day wondering who your coworkers voted for. And it would be fairly easy to identify who the racists are (hint, it’s the guy taking zoom calls from the office on MLK Day). 

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This system would greatly benefit a person like myself- a person with no real religious identity, allegiances, or backbone. I’d simply come into the office on the days that most people are celebrating: Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc., and take off the most obscure holidays I could find- days that everyone else would be in the office, like World Anteater Day and National Pecan Day. Thus doubling the amount of holidays I get each year. 

 

In conclusion, companies should make a formal system that allows employees to take off whatever days are important to them. Strikes me as a no-brainer.

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If you enjoyed today’s moot, consider donating to The Hunger Project, Bianca’s charity of choice.