Artificial Intelligence: The Coming Wave
Most of us recognize that what’s being pushed as Artificial Intelligence is, in fact, ordinary apps
slathered in BS. That’s OK. That’s pretty much the path of all tech: hype, disappoint, delete. It’s
familiar, easy to navigate, doesn’t leave a mark. But there are tiny corners where more
substantive AI work is being pursued. Am I worried about machines becoming self-aware?
About robot overlords controlling our lives? Not in the lifetime of anyone now on earth. No, my
concern is that this work is being done by humans who will do dumb human shit.
Take, for example, the most eagerly anticipated innovation – sex robots. Here’s the problem.
The human instinct is to begin by emulating nature. This is wrong. It’s the same trap that
centuries of would-be aviators fell into. They looked up, saw birds, and decided to strap on
wings and flap madly. When it comes to sex, I have limited strap-on experience, but I have done
more than my share of flapping. But I digress. My point is, trying to recreate nature will fail.
Simply put, if you want human, fuck human.
Trying to recreate the experience – and why would you, let’s face it, human sex is
extraordinarily rare moments of ecstasy shrouded in mummifying layers of emotional baggage,
odd smells, unreasonable time obligations, perpetual feelings of inadequacy, and risks of
disease or commitment – is the wrong approach. We need – wait for it – a new paradigm. And
not virtual reality. Please. If you’re trying to get it on and a Zuckerberg avatar strolls through,
your meta orgy will shrivel instantly. No billionaire penis rockets either. Researchers have got
to be willing to think outside the box. If you know what I mean.
Furthermore, I believe the market for sex robots will be won not by elaborate human
simulacrums or artificial intelligence (see: hype, disappoint, delete) but by the same formula as
all tech gear: ubiquity, battery life, portability, cost, color selection, usb-c, and maybe
oscillations per second. But most importantly, it just works. Get on that Tim.
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