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Are Vitamins Even Real?

Paul Dickinson


What do Caribou, grey whales, king salmon, and your finance friends living in west village have in common? All are tied to one of life’s greatest mysteries: seasonal migration. With the annual passing of Figawi, summer is officially here. For some, months of preparation and shots of ozempic are paying off. For others, finding the quickest solution to shedding a few pounds is a top priority. But what products can we trust? Giving up booze and healthy foods rarely makes it past Thursday.


Thanks to zuck listening in to every conversation and thought pumping through my brain he knows I’m ripe for a 3 click journey to any purchase that accelerates my commitment to getting jacked. 


From ashwaganda root coffee alternatives to pre biotic pro biotic diarrhea fuel, I’m overwhelmed with options. Is there actual lions mane in this scoop of dirt I’m putting in my protein shake? What is a nootropic, will creatine make me fat, and what do I need more of - iron or zinc? Is an entire daily serving of vegetables in this scoop of green powder? How is that even possible?


Does every jacked person out there take 20 supplements a day or is all of this a complete scam? How can I tell if this 8 pack god is being paid to say a single pill of amino acid dense beef liver is what got him jacked, or if it actually helped at all? I have more questions than answers.


The supplement market is full of garbage buzzwords and exhausting to navigate. Can someone just tell me which of these products will fast track me into Chris Hemsworths bod in as little time as possible with minimal effort? Shouldn’t be too much to ask.

If you enjoyed today’s moot, please consider donating to Misericordia Heart of Mercy, Paul’s charity of choice.

*For each moot, we generate a cover image using  DALL·E, an AI art platform that generates images using natural language processing. This image on the right was generated using the title, 'Are Vitamins Even Real?' in the style of Edward Hopper, Paul's artist of choice.*

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DALL·E 2023-06-07 11.03.52 - a painting of a man making a smoothie in the style of edward

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