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Apocalyptic Times

Hannah Rose Miller


Why do we glorify fighting for your life in the event of an apocalypse?


World War Z, I Am Legend, The Road, Zombieland, Armageddon, and even fuckin’ Wall-E—all

these stories are dedicated to encouraging survival mode. But it ain’t workin’ on me.


Imagine one of these events actually took place. We were close, with the threat of Covid, and utterly failed that test. Say zombies ran rampant, or a mysterious alien force took hold, or the government pulled some serious shit… what would we do?


I’ll tell you what I’d do: die. Fight or flight? Maybe that’d kick in initially, but once I find myself without my loved ones, without operating grocery stores, without Wifi? Peace.


It’s just not worth it. First off: I’m lazy. Secondly, I am already riddled with anxiety within my very

comfortable existence. Am I anxious about death? Of course. But with all the impending danger that an apocalypse brings forth, my mind cannot handle rapid-fire triggers on the reg.


I live my life to be happy. I spend way too much money on things that make me happy. I am a

material girl if you will. And material girls are not made out for survival-of-the-fittest. I refuse to

pretend that I am. Those who do think they could survive an apocalypse are either lying to

themselves, delusional, or have been preparing for years.


These are the people that secretly wish the world would come to an end—and they’ve definitely

considered cannibalism.


I’m also giving myself too much credit. I’m acting as though I could survive the initial “boom” of

events. I am not the strong, attractive, fit protagonist in the movie that makes it past the rising

action point; I am an extra that gets killed within the first five minutes, and I’m okay with that. If, by chance, my “luck” gets me past that point, I’d have to actively seek out death. I’d prefer to watch from above, or below, or simply embrace oblivion.


I’ve never caught a fish, I’ve never shot a gun, I’ve never started a fire without a lighter. I have no clue what plants are edible. The North Star sounds like a myth to me. I’m dependent on

multivitamins and Excedrin Migraine. I can barely go a few hours without a cheesy snack. The only thing I got going for me are multitudes of clothing options for whatever comes my way.


Earth would be better for it if we just collectively gave up in the event of an apocalypse. Life can be defined in two ways: a beating heart and a joyous existence. For me, it’s all or none.


If you enjoyed today’s moot, follow Hannah on Instagram and check out her website. If you are feeling generous, consider donating to Mercy for Animals, Hannah’s charity of choice.

*For each moot, we generate a cover image using  DALL·E, an AI art platform that generates images using natural language processing. This image on the right was generated using the title, 'Apocalyptic Times' in the style of the Claude Monet, the Hannah's artist of choice.*

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DALL·E 2022-10-25 21.47.25 - a painting of the apocalypse with a meteor flying towards ear

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