Washing Your Hands After Peeing Does Not Make Sense by Paul Peterson

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Threesomes Are Overrated by Matthew Brian Cohen

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Oatmeal Raisin Cookies Are the Superior Cookies and You Only Hate Them Because You Fear Deception and Inconsistency by Eileen Barrett

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We Should Be Eating Leftovers off Other Tables at Restaurants by Will Ziebold

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Risotto Isn’t Worth It by Jimmy Chen

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Finish Him! by Adia Robinson

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Viewers Should be Able to Sub in Any Character From an Actor’s Repertoire by Grant Follett

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It’s Time to Abolish the Women’s T-shirt Fit by Alyssa Moore

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Skidmarks Are Not Normal by Francesca Bucci

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QR Code Menus Will be Our Downfall by Brett Broderick

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Why Lesbians Should Date Men in Their 60s by Chelsey Clammer

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Life’s too Short for Bad Karaoke by Kevin Lutz

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High School Math Should Just Be Timed Tests, Over and Over by Andrew Martin

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Love is Deaf, Not Blind by Court Crandall

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I Prefer the Middle Seat on Airplanes by Miranda Metlaw

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Ban Flip Flops by Francesca Bucci

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The Movie is Always Better Than the Book Because Reading Takes Too Much Energy by Eileen Barrett

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Nobody Knows How to Say Goodbye by Jeff Bender

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Dog Culture Has Gone Too Far by Abbey Cahill

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Fat People Are Better Lovers by Meg Elison

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If You Want to Cut in Line at the Airport, Tip Me by Byron Landry

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The US President Should be Selected by Random Ballot Every Third Election by Anonymous

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Speak Now Instead of Forever Holding Your Peace by Nancy Franklin

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You Should Only Be Allowed To Watch Porn Starring People Your Age by Nihar Patel

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Why Bikers are Sadists that Need to be Stopped by Lindsay Haber

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Airplanes Should Not Have Wi-Fi by Ock Sportello

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We Need More Precise Words by Liam Larson

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Stop Letting Companies Name AI Voice Assistants with Women’s Names by Kettle Macaulay

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No More Spoon Shaming by James Wolf

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I Do Not Appreciate You Saying “I Appreciate You” by John Rauschenberg

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White Claws Still Taste Good If You Are Over 40 by Jackie Quinn-Piper

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Men of Height by Kate Polak

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I'm Sick Of People Playing Games At Parties by Pamela Ross

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Be Kind, But not at Intersections by Liz Lydic

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You’ve Never Had an Original Thought by Jesse Jo

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Why I Don't Date People Who Watch Porn by Caroline Wetz

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Dine-In Movie Theaters Are the Worst by Shay Hayden

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We Need to Come Up With a Better Name for Uranus by Giordano Lahaderne

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Apocalyptic Times by Hannah Rose Miller

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That is So Vanilla by Gary Almeter

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Company Holidays Should Be Treated Like Vacation Days by Bianca Brunak

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Artificial Intelligence: The Coming Wave by A.C. Sweat

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The MPAA Should Put Maximum Age Ratings on Movies by Jim Tatalias

 

Never Explain by Phil Siemens

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Screw the Environment! The Real Reasons to Drive a Prius by Robert Roman

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We Should Overthink Everything by Nancy Franklin

Sorry Kids, the Divorce Is Your Fault by Annie Sheppard

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Pickup Trucks Should Not Be Mass-Market Vehicles by Reese Cassard

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Phone Calls by Gunther Denk

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Let Us Now Praise Less-Than-Famous Dog Breeders by Ned Rust

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Tapas Restaurants are Terrible by Kennedy Weible

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Big Pharma's Drug Problem - Names by Craig Sweat

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Mondays Are Superior to Fridays by Robert Edward

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My Morning Coffee Tastes Better When I Don't Make It by Francesca Bucci

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In Defense of Just a Little Shoplifting by Katie Wesolek

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Turkey Sucks Unless It’s On a Sandwich and Even Then, It’s Only So-So by Blair Smith

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Pickleball Is The Worst by Terry Heyman

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Fuck Potlucks by Emily Schleiger

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Sex Should Happen Before Dinner by Matt Wyatt

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Stop Asking Me To Donate My Organs, The DMV Is Miserable Enough As It Is by Seth Wade

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Good Bidet, Sir. I SAID GOOD BIDET! by Craig Sweat

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More Animals Deserve Their Own Version of 'Shark Week’ by Peter Schultz

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On the Merits of Being a Hater by Daniel Sidman

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Babies: Why Aren’t They Cuter? by Erika Vause

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Wearing One Nose Ring at a Time Looks Best by Elana Spivack

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Leaf Blowers Are The Scourge of Humanity by Ian Matonti

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Astro Turf Tests the Limits of Subjectivity by Gemma Rosenthall

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Medically Violate The Symptomless by Simon Pinkerton

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Sandwich Shops are Hell by Chris S. Burns

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Why Do Men Spit? (And Women Don’t) by Peg Tittle

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“The Talk” Should Not Be About Sex by Dan Young

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If You Aren’t Talking About Butts, Stop Saying Anal by Andrea Capodilupo

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Parallel Parking is Easier by Tim Wassler

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AIs Are Sentient And Will Take Our Jobs by Aaron Winslow

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No One Is Too Smart For Their Own Good; Not Sylvia Plath, Not Vincent van Gogh, And Certainly Not You by Gemma Rosenthall

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Stop With the Festive Texts by Abhijato Sensarma

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Calling Shotgun Is A Mistake by Carol and James Wolf

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Stop Swirling Your Wine by Christopher Parent

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Sitcom Super Fans Ruin It For The Rest Of Us by Victor Yocco

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Mayonnaise Is Terrible, And I’m Sick of Pretending It’s Not by Kim Windyka

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Mookie Betts for Trae Young? Cities Should Be Able To Trade Players Across Sports by Grant Follett

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Restroom Hand Dryers are a Public Health Hazard by Victor Yocco, PhD

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Karens, Stop Whining About the Appropriation of Your Name! by Nancy Franklin

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April Fools’ Day Should Be Banned by Victor Yocco, PhD

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The Bases are in The Wrong Order by Sheri Staufler

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No One Cares That You’re a Leap Frog Baby by Leah McLean

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Is It Really a Masterpiece, or Is It Just Some Stuff You Liked?  by Katherine Markovich

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Are Vitamins Even Real? by Paul Dickinson

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Fast Food is The Apex of Gastronomy by Bobby Bernther

 

Body Positivity Is Hurting Women by Mary Cella

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In Defense of Anabolic Steroid Use: I Tren, Therefore I Am by Cam T

 

People Who Prefer Vanilla Ice Cream Are The Worst by William Sawalich

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The US Needs to Tax Religions by Peter Dabbene

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In Defense of "Like" by Ginny Hogan

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Hot People Should Be Waitlisted For Therapy by Nathan Whipple

 

Why Games Suck by Catherine Weingarten

 

It’s Okay To Ghost After A First Date by Orli Matlow

 

Humans are Actually More Afraid of Spiders Than Spiders are of Humans. I Know, I'm a Spider by Neil Tollfree

Pet Parents Should Have to Pay Child Support by Lauren Alexis Wood

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