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A Comprehensive List of Every Opinion We've Ever Published

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Washing Your Hands After Peeing Does Not Make Sense by Paul Peterson

Threesomes Are Overrated by Matthew Brian Cohen

Oatmeal Raisin Cookies Are the Superior Cookies and You Only Hate Them Because You Fear Deception and Inconsistency by Eileen Barrett

We Should Be Eating Leftovers off Other Tables at Restaurants by Will Ziebold

Risotto Isn’t Worth It by Jimmy Chen

Finish Him! by Adia Robinson

Viewers Should be Able to Sub in Any Character From an Actor’s Repertoire by Grant Follett

It’s Time to Abolish the Women’s T-shirt Fit by Alyssa Moore

Skidmarks Are Not Normal by Francesca Bucci

QR Code Menus Will be Our Downfall by Brett Broderick

Why Lesbians Should Date Men in Their 60s by Chelsey Clammer

Life’s too Short for Bad Karaoke by Kevin Lutz

High School Math Should Just Be Timed Tests, Over and Over by Andrew Martin

Love is Deaf, Not Blind by Court Crandall

I Prefer the Middle Seat on Airplanes by Miranda Metlaw

Ban Flip Flops by Francesca Bucci

The Movie is Always Better Than the Book Because Reading Takes Too Much Energy by Eileen Barrett

Nobody Knows How to Say Goodbye by Jeff Bender

Dog Culture Has Gone Too Far by Abbey Cahill

Fat People Are Better Lovers by Meg Elison

If You Want to Cut in Line at the Airport, Tip Me by Byron Landry

The US President Should be Selected by Random Ballot Every Third Election by Anonymous

Speak Now Instead of Forever Holding Your Peace by Nancy Franklin

You Should Only Be Allowed To Watch Porn Starring People Your Age by Nihar Patel

Why Bikers are Sadists that Need to be Stopped by Lindsay Haber

Airplanes Should Not Have Wi-Fi by Ock Sportello

We Need More Precise Words by Liam Larson

Stop Letting Companies Name AI Voice Assistants with Women’s Names by Kettle Macaulay

No More Spoon Shaming by James Wolf

I Do Not Appreciate You Saying “I Appreciate You” by John Rauschenberg

White Claws Still Taste Good If You Are Over 40 by Jackie Quinn-Piper

Men of Height by Kate Polak

I'm Sick Of People Playing Games At Parties by Pamela Ross

Be Kind, But not at Intersections by Liz Lydic

You’ve Never Had an Original Thought by Jesse Jo

Why I Don't Date People Who Watch Porn by Caroline Wetz

Dine-In Movie Theaters Are the Worst by Shay Hayden

We Need to Come Up With a Better Name for Uranus by Giordano Lahaderne

Apocalyptic Times by Hannah Rose Miller

That is So Vanilla by Gary Almeter

Company Holidays Should Be Treated Like Vacation Days by Bianca Brunak

Artificial Intelligence: The Coming Wave by A.C. Sweat

The MPAA Should Put Maximum Age Ratings on Movies by Jim Tatalias


Never Explain by Phil Siemens

Screw the Environment! The Real Reasons to Drive a Prius by Robert Roman

We Should Overthink Everything by Nancy Franklin

Sorry Kids, the Divorce Is Your Fault by Annie Sheppard

Pickup Trucks Should Not Be Mass-Market Vehicles by Reese Cassard

Phone Calls by Gunther Denk

Let Us Now Praise Less-Than-Famous Dog Breeders by Ned Rust

Tapas Restaurants are Terrible by Kennedy Weible

Big Pharma's Drug Problem - Names by Craig Sweat

Mondays Are Superior to Fridays by Robert Edward

My Morning Coffee Tastes Better When I Don't Make It by Francesca Bucci

In Defense of Just a Little Shoplifting by Katie Wesolek

Turkey Sucks Unless It’s On a Sandwich and Even Then, It’s Only So-So by Blair Smith

Pickleball Is The Worst by Terry Heyman

Fuck Potlucks by Emily Schleiger

Sex Should Happen Before Dinner by Matt Wyatt

Stop Asking Me To Donate My Organs, The DMV Is Miserable Enough As It Is by Seth Wade

Good Bidet, Sir. I SAID GOOD BIDET! by Craig Sweat

More Animals Deserve Their Own Version of 'Shark Week’ by Peter Schultz

On the Merits of Being a Hater by Daniel Sidman

Babies: Why Aren’t They Cuter? by Erika Vause

Wearing One Nose Ring at a Time Looks Best by Elana Spivack

Leaf Blowers Are The Scourge of Humanity by Ian Matonti

Astro Turf Tests the Limits of Subjectivity by Gemma Rosenthall

Medically Violate The Symptomless by Simon Pinkerton

Sandwich Shops are Hell by Chris S. Burns

Why Do Men Spit? (And Women Don’t) by Peg Tittle

“The Talk” Should Not Be About Sex by Dan Young

If You Aren’t Talking About Butts, Stop Saying Anal by Andrea Capodilupo

Parallel Parking is Easier by Tim Wassler

AIs Are Sentient And Will Take Our Jobs by Aaron Winslow

No One Is Too Smart For Their Own Good; Not Sylvia Plath, Not Vincent van Gogh, And Certainly Not You by Gemma Rosenthall

Stop With the Festive Texts by Abhijato Sensarma

Calling Shotgun Is A Mistake by Carol and James Wolf

Stop Swirling Your Wine by Christopher Parent

Sitcom Super Fans Ruin It For The Rest Of Us by Victor Yocco

Mayonnaise Is Terrible, And I’m Sick of Pretending It’s Not by Kim Windyka

Mookie Betts for Trae Young? Cities Should Be Able To Trade Players Across Sports by Grant Follett

Restroom Hand Dryers are a Public Health Hazard by Victor Yocco, PhD

Karens, Stop Whining About the Appropriation of Your Name! by Nancy Franklin

April Fools’ Day Should Be Banned by Victor Yocco, PhD

The Bases are in The Wrong Order by Sheri Staufler

No One Cares That You’re a Leap Frog Baby by Leah McLean

Is It Really a Masterpiece, or Is It Just Some Stuff You Liked?  by Katherine Markovich

Are Vitamins Even Real? by Paul Dickinson

Fast Food is The Apex of Gastronomy by Bobby Bernther


Body Positivity Is Hurting Women by Mary Cella

In Defense of Anabolic Steroid Use: I Tren, Therefore I Am by Cam T


People Who Prefer Vanilla Ice Cream Are The Worst by William Sawalich

The US Needs to Tax Religions by Peter Dabbene

In Defense of "Like" by Ginny Hogan

Hot People Should Be Waitlisted For Therapy by Nathan Whipple


Why Games Suck by Catherine Weingarten


It’s Okay To Ghost After A First Date by Orli Matlow


Humans are Actually More Afraid of Spiders Than Spiders are of Humans. I Know, I'm a Spider by Neil Tollfree

Pet Parents Should Have to Pay Child Support by Lauren Alexis Wood


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